Dendera Read online

  “Den … dera?”

  “That’s what we call this place. When I was dumped in the Mountain eighteen years ago I was all afeared and cold, the crows were pecking at me, but then the people of Dendera saved me, just like you. Sasaka Yagi and Naki Sokabe and Nokobi Hidaka all Climbed the Mountain that year too, and all of them were rescued as well.”

  “This place … has been here since before you Climbed the Mountain?” Kayu Saitoh asked.

  “Just take a look around. Plenty of familiar faces, right? Of course, there are some who die here, and there are plenty we can’t get to in time to rescue, but there’s plenty that do survive, and here we are. And now you’re one of us! You’re one of the lucky ones! How does that feel?”

  “What have you done?” Kayu Saitoh hurled herself onto Makura Katsuragawa, knocking the older woman to the ground. She wrapped her hands around Makura Katsuragawa’s neck and squeezed. “Why did you do this to me?”

  The very idea that you could Climb the Mountain and not die offended Kayu Saitoh. And even worse was to make a place like Dendera and live there. It was unforgivable. Makura Katsuragawa was supposed to have gracefully parted from this world eighteen years ago. She was not supposed to be eking out a miserable existence on the other side of the Mountain. The very idea was sacrilege. Kayu Saitoh felt defiled.

  If Kayu Saitoh were to go back to the Mountain now, even though she had never meant to come back down again, even though she had been brought down without her consent, the Mountain would know. It would know, and it would not allow her to move on to Paradise. The path to the next world was closed off to her forever. The thought of this had made Kayu Saitoh boil with anger. And she had needed to take the anger out on somebody, and that somebody was Makura Katsuragawa.

  Makura Katsuragawa was struggling to push Kayu Saitoh off her, but she might as well have been a rag doll for all the good her resistance was doing. Kayu Saitoh squeezed harder, digging all ten digits into Makura Katsuragawa’s neck. The other old women were watching the fray, though, and two of them leaped out and restrained Kayu Saitoh, pinning her to the ground.

  “Let me go!” Kayu Saitoh shouted.

  The two old women holding Kayu Saitoh down were Hatsu Fukuzawa, who had Climbed the Mountain four years ago, and Somo Izumi, who had made the journey fifteen years ago. Kayu Saitoh’s anger was now directed at them. Weren’t they ashamed to be still alive after Climbing the Mountain?

  “Calm down, Kayu. What do you think you’re playing at? I thought you only just woke up?” said Hatsu Fukuzawa, her foot planted firmly on Kayu’s back.

  “Maybe she thinks she’s still dreaming,” said Somo Izumi.

  “Don’t you dare talk about me as if I’m one of you!” Kayu Saitoh howled. Her body was starting to work again; she was starting to feel again. She could feel the snow, cold, underneath her. She wasn’t supposed to be able to feel anything …

  “Ka—Kayu,” Makura Katsuragawa sputtered out eventually between heavy coughs. She clambered up and looked at Kayu Saitoh warily.

  “What’s this ‘Dendera’ shit?” Kayu Saitoh said. “Why are you all in a place like this?”

  “What do you mean, ‘why’?” said Makura Katsuragawa, rubbing her neck where Kayu Saitoh had been choking her. “Because we don’t want to die. Why else?”

  “Have you no shame?” Kayu Saitoh’s voice was full of hate, and Makura Katsuragawa scurried back into the crowd without listening to the actual words. Kayu Saitoh wanted to chase after her; she made a renewed effort to throw off the two old women who were restraining her. At the same moment a new figure arrived on the scene. She too was an old woman. She wore dog pelts over her grubby white robe. Kayu Saitoh recognized her. It was Hono Ishizuka, the old lacquer-tapper’s wife. She too had Climbed the Mountain—sixteen years ago. She too was supposed to be dead. She too was a gutless coward. Kayu Saitoh glared at her.

  “Ah, Ms. Kayu. You are welcome here.” Hono Ishizuka looked down at Kayu Saitoh. “Violence, however, is not permitted in Dendera. The next time there is a violent outburst from you, we will place you behind bars. You shouldn’t cause such a scene. It makes problems for people. For yourself too. Now, you have been granted a new lease on life. Shouldn’t you show some gratitude for this?”

  “Who asked you to bring me back to life?” Kayu Saitoh snarled, still held in place. “Hono Ishizuka! You used to be important in the Village. I used to respect you! Now you just disgust me.”

  “You were prepared to roll over and die just because they told you to,” said Hono Ishizuka. “You are weak. Your opinion of me doesn’t mean anything.”

  “You were supposed to have Climbed the Mountain! You were supposed to be dead! What are you doing here?” Kayu Saitoh asked.

  “Living,” said Hono Ishizuka.

  “That’s what I’m saying! Why are you still living?” Kayu Saitoh said.

  “Ms. Kayu. I live because I don’t want to die. Do you need a reason to live?”

  “Shut up! I don’t need to talk about this! Now order these two women to release me!”

  “Release you?” Hono Ishizuka sniffed, as if Kayu Saitoh had finally touched a nerve. “Why would I want to do a thing like that? What a stupid notion. If they were to release you, you would no doubt simply kick up another ruckus. In any case, I do not have the authority to give such an order.”

  “Then get the person who does!” Kayu Saitoh shouted.

  “Oh, you’ll be meeting her soon enough,” said Hono Ishizuka, nodding. “In fact, as you are a new arrival, Ms. Kayu, we’ll be taking you to the Chief right now.”

  “The Chief?”

  “Yes. Someone you know well, I think you’ll find.”

  3

  Dendera was similar in size to the Village, in terms of its boundaries, but once you considered the fact that Dendera was comprised of nothing more than sparse clumps of crude huts, it paled in comparison. It was through this meager landscape that old women, wearing white robes topped with rough straw overcoats, flitted like withered leaves drifting silently. They were caked with dirt and grime that made each one indistinguishable from the next, at first glance, but when Kayu Saitoh looked more closely she began to see that they were all old women who had once upon a time lived in the Village. These old women were now looking at Kayu Saitoh through bloodshot eyes, with a mixture of wariness and anticipation. Kayu Saitoh registered all these stares one by one as she was marched off under guard by the three women holding her captive. All the while she was thinking about what pathetic creatures these old women were. After a while walking, though, Kayu Saitoh had occasion to revise her view somewhat, when she found herself in front of a larger building. They were still wretched, shameful creatures, of course, but she understood for the first time that they really were making a go of living.

  She stood in front of a two-story wooden building.

  It certainly wasn’t anything that could have been described as fancy, but it was surrounded by a rudimentary persimmon-colored earthen wall, and there was even a crude balcony jutting from its second story, the effect of which was that it stood conspicuously apart from the other buildings. Hono Ishizuka, who was leading the way, stopped, and Kayu Saitoh thought she saw a smile emerging from underneath the wrinkles on her face.

  “Ms. Kayu, the rest is now up to you. Just be sure to think for yourself before making up your mind,” Hono Ishizuka said.

  Kayu Saitoh didn’t really know what Hono Ishizuka meant by that, but even so she found herself walking toward the entrance to the two-story wooden building.

  Once inside she found herself in a room with an earthen floor, and she saw three more old women milling about. There was Naki Sokabe and Nokobi Hidaka, who had both Climbed the Mountain the same year as Makura Katsuragawa, eighteen years ago. And then there was Itsuru Obuchi, who had Climbed the Mountain twenty-four years ago. Kayu Saitoh was surprised by the fact that Itsuru Obuchi was
still alive. After all, if she was still alive (and she was) that would make her ninety-four years old.

  Inside the musty room the three old women were busying themselves with sundry tasks: carving wood ornaments, boiling water, hanging pelts to dry, and generally keeping themselves occupied as if their pride were at stake. So they paid no attention to Kayu Saitoh, and, much to Kayu Saitoh’s relief, she was able to slip past them and start climbing the ladder to the second floor. The second floor was smaller, more cramped, but the walls were lined with real wood panels now, somewhat rough-and-ready ones perhaps, but it was more impressive than the usual mix of straw and twigs that was used in most houses.

  And in the middle of this room sat a solitary old woman.

  She wore a mask that framed the edges of her face while leaving her features visible, as well as robes that were so dirty that they could be called white in name only. She sat atop a pelt of some unidentifiable animal, and beside her was a well-used walking staff.

  Kayu Saitoh peered at the face framed by the mask. It was a heavily sunburned face, and she had no memory of it.

  “What’s this? Don’t say you don’t remember me? Or perhaps you’re going senile in your dotage, hmm, Kayu Saitoh?”

  As soon as Kayu Saitoh heard that ugly rasp the mystery was solved, and she was brought back half a century. The old woman’s looks might have become gnarled beyond all recognition, but that distinctive braying voice immediately gave her away. It was Mei Mitsuya. Mei Mitsuya, who had entered the Mountain thirty years ago. Due to their age difference Mei Mitsuya hadn’t really played much of a direct role in raising Kayu Saitoh, but Mei Mitsuya had been an important figure in the Village for a number of years, a de facto leader of the women even, so Kayu Saitoh naturally knew who she was.

  “Mei Mitsuya, is it,” Kayu Saitoh said briskly, without any ceremony. “Well, you can tell me what’s going on, I’m sure. What’s this all about, this—”

  “So, how do you like my Dendera?” Mei Mitsuya blurted out, drowning out Kayu Saitoh in her usual loud, unrestrained manner. “Anyhow, sit. Relax. Make yourself at home. We may have a hierarchy here in Dendera, but we don’t stand on ceremony. Every woman is as good as any other.”

  Kayu Saitoh was still none the wiser regarding her new situation, but she did as Mei Mitsuya ordered and sat down in front of her.

  “So, Kayu Saitoh. It’s been a while. I remember when I last saw you, you were a mere stripling of forty. Yes, you’ve aged quite nicely, ripened to maturity. Life in that shitty Village has taken it out of you, all right! So how do you like my Dendera? Great little place, no?”

  “Are you one of the founders of this place?” Kayu Saitoh asked.

  “I asked you how you liked my Dendera, girl!” Mei Mitsuya snapped and then appeared to reconsider her outburst almost immediately. “Still, just this once. Just this once I’ll answer your little question for you. Yes, I founded this place. I Climbed the Mountain thirty years ago, but of course I had no intention of dying. So I climbed down the Mountain, down the other side, away from the Village, and found myself here, in this place. Back then there was nothing here. Nothing here, nobody here!” Mei Mitsuya was shouting now. “I had no tools. I knew nothing about survival. Oh, it was something all right, it was something! The rains! The storms! No people. No food. But I never gave up the fight, not for one moment. For the first year I must have survived on anger and bile alone. Then, the next year, when Mountain Climbing Season began, I staked out the Mountain, waiting to rescue the abandoned, the discarded, and make them my friends, my neighbors. And with these new friends, together we built this place. What you see around you. A refuge for the abandoned. That’s what this place is. Dendera.”

  “Thirty years …” Kayu Saitoh mused aloud. It was an incomprehensible length of time to be in this place.

  “And so I turned a hundred. A hundred years old! How’s that for a freakish life span? Sometimes I feel more like a devil than a person, I can tell you.” Mei Mitsuya laughed, a demonic cackle emanating from her large red mouth.

  “So, how many?” Kayu Saitoh had finally started to regain her composure. “How many of you here in this Dendera of yours?”

  “Forty-nine,” Mei Mitsuya grinned, her toothy smile disconcerting. “And you bring it up to a nice round fifty!”

  “What have you done, Mei Mitsuya? What have you been doing?” Kayu Saitoh asked, her voice full of reproach.

  “ ‘What have I done?’ Come, now, I’m sure you can think of a better way of phrasing that. How about ‘What have you achieved?’ ”

  “No. I mean what have you done?” Kayu Saitoh hissed.

  “Kayu Saitoh. I can tell that you’re still delirious. That’s plain for anyone to see. You’re confused by your own feelings. You’re feeling embarrassed that you’re still alive. Survivors’ guilt.”

  “I’m ashamed?” Kayu Saitoh was incredulous. “I’m ashamed?”

  “Of course. But you’re one of us now. You’re one of the survivors. One of Dendera’s own. Try not to dwell too much on silly thoughts of the past. Starting today, you’re one of the fifty old women of Dendera!”

  That confirmed the thought that had been nagging at Kayu Saitoh. “So there are no men. That’s right. I haven’t seen any. I must have seen most of the village, but I only saw women.”

  “Of course there are no men! Why the hell would I want to save any men?” Mei Mitsuya jumped up and slammed her wooden staff against the floor like a woman possessed.

  Kayu Saitoh couldn’t find a suitable response. But she didn’t need to. Some things can be left unsaid. Some things are just understood by women, women who have had common experiences, who have experienced common emotions, who have suffered common hardships.

  “I’ll never allow a man in this place. Never! Dendera is ours! How do you like that?” Mei Mitsuya said, her anger transformed into a warped triumphalism.

  How did Kayu Saitoh like that? Quite well, if truth be told. The words pierced her, filled her with a sense of satisfaction—before she remembered to suppress those feelings, by retorting that she could have died properly if Mei Mitsuya and her people hadn’t interfered.

  “Die properly?” Mei Mitsuya asked. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It’s supposed to mean,” Kayu Saitoh replied, “that if we had just Climbed the Mountain properly, seen it through to the end while we had the chance, we wouldn’t have to be in this miserable place. We could be in Paradise by now.”

  Silence prevailed for an instant, and then this was broken by Mei Mitsuya’s laughter. It was rough, raucous, close to a roar, and it was derisive, a laughter directed at somebody, a somebody who would not or could not use her head, and that somebody was Kayu Saitoh, who stood there in silence, accepting the scorn-filled laughter and words. “Kayu Saitoh! You surprise me. I never took you for such an ignoramus.” Mei Mitsuya was still laughing as she settled back down into a sitting position. “Paradise, huh? You really believe in that fairy tale? Really believe it? What are you, a child?”

  “You don’t know what happens to us after we die,” Kayu Saitoh said defiantly.

  “And because I don’t know, that means there must be a Paradise, hmm?” Mei Mitsuya asked.

  “All I wanted was to Climb the Mountain properly and then disappear from this world properly. That’s what’s best. That’s all I’m saying.”

  “What? You’re saying it’s better to freeze to death in the snow? Hoping that you’ll find your way into a Paradise that you don’t know even exists? That’s better than making a life for ourselves here, is it? Horseshit, Kayu Saitoh! You’re deluding yourself. You’re a half-baked washout, and that’s all there is to it!”

  “What? How dare you?” Kayu Saitoh said.

  “I’ll tell you what’s really going on. You grew tired of living, that’s what! You just wanted to die and get it over with.”

  That’s not it at
all, Kayu Saitoh wanted to scream back, but she found that her mouth wouldn’t open to form the words. She realized that perhaps what Mei Mitsuya said wasn’t so far off the mark. Kayu Saitoh was shocked at herself.

  Maybe that was why she had wanted to Climb the Mountain so desperately, and why her dreams had been of a Paradise to come. Maybe her obsession with Climbing the Mountain had simply been a nice, clean pretext for a nice, clean death.

  Kayu Saitoh reflected on this, whether it was true, whether she had simply been fooling herself all along. Rather, she tried to reflect on it, she wanted to, but she didn’t know how to go about doing such a thing.

  “Thirty years,” Mei Mitsuya continued. “Thirty years Dendera’s been going now, and you know what? You’re the first one to think like that. Normal people want to live, to carry on living, no matter how hard that life is.” She looked positively bored by Kayu Saitoh now.

  Kayu Saitoh, on the other hand, was still struggling to find a way to gather her thoughts, to articulate the conflicting mass of ideas and emotions that were now swirling around inside her. She couldn’t do it. During Kayu Saitoh’s seventy long years in this world, she had never really used her mind. After all, there had been no need. She had never had to think while she lived in the Village, and besides, the backbreaking daily grind of work and chores had never left her with any time or energy to spare.

  That was then, though. Now, things were different.

  This was a new land. It operated under new rules. And for the first time ever, Kayu Saitoh needed new words to express herself. She needed new ideals. She needed new principles. All those things that she had never had before (and even if she had had them she would have felt terribly ambivalent and uncomfortable thinking about them), she needed now—she needed something to make sense of her new situation, even if that something might turn out to be nothing more than half-baked half lies.

  “What’s the matter,” Mei Mitsuya goaded, “cat got your tongue? Nothing to say for yourself, eh? Nothing? Eh?”